The 30-Day No Judgment, No Criticism, No Complaining Challenge

Today is my DAY 1 of the 30-Day No Judgment, Criticism or Complaints Challenge that was talked about yesterday at the Center for Spiritual Living in West Orange, NJ. Not many folks made it the full 30 days and I can see how difficult this can be, depending on your lifestyle, commute, relationship situation and whether you plan to spend the next 30 days on vacation on a remote island with a caterer.


The idea is that we give away so much of our time and energy to being critical, either toward others or ourselves and then complaining about others behavior that it’s not surprising we have little energy for our own dreams and passions. In other words, we are shackled by our own intolerance of life. We are prisoners of our criticism of this imperfect life, refusing to accept life on life’s terms, refusing to be tolerant of other’s behaviors. But it is a choice. I choose to be critical. I choose to be quick to anger at traffic and highway injustice (Been cut off recently? Watched someone texting while driving?).

For me, the next 30 days is not about being harsh with myself because I may be judgmental and critical. It’s about being observant to my behavior and acknowledging when I am less than tolerant of myself or others and then seeing where I can let go and accept life as it is.

Easy? Maybe not. I believe I am wired to criticize and judge. Aren’t we all? No. Actually, we’re not. Children don’t judge or criticize until they learn to from their parents, which means we are taught to be intolerant and complain if we don’t like what’s happening to us. In that case, I can stop the way I think and change my thinking so that I’m not giving my energy away.

Traffic is. People will behave out of their beliefs. Rain happens. People are not us; they are themselves and sometimes we don’t understand why they do what they do. They are living as they believe it’s best for them, whether that means they’re selfish, loving, short to anger or at peace with life. Why give our energy to these people and events, when truth is, they don’t care and may not be aware of how their actions are affecting us?

I’m going to make this a great experiment and in the days that follow, I will see how well I do to be less judgmental, less critical and less complaining. If I find myself more at peace with more energy for what I dream, then it’s been a success. If I don’t last more than a few days, then it’s a few days less of giving my energy away and I can start over the next day. I expect more than one “Day 1” to occur!

Wanna give it a try? Be kind to yourself and have fun.

No judgment. No criticism. No complaints. Only love.

Thank you Spirit for the peace and tolerance to accept people as they are and life as it is.



Peace,
Gary . . .

Who Am I ... Part V

A lesson from a metaphysician goes like this: We come from the Unmanifested Godhead, something like a vast ocean of souls, and manifest on this plane, being born into this world to experience life. We are a spiritual being having human experiences. When we die, we return to the Unmanifested Godhead and share our experiences with God, who cannot manifest on this plane. I don't recall why God can't manifest here, only that he cannot, so God lives vicariously (if you will) through us.

This makes me think of the elderly parent who waits by the window of their room in a nursing home for their children to come and tell them about their lives. Is God waiting in some cosmic senior home for us to come and visit to tell him what life is like outside his four sterile white walls?

I digress ...

We come from this Unmanifested Godhead where all the souls go between lives, between incarnations. Here, we review our lives to see if the lessons we were to learn were learned. What lessons does a soul need to learn? No. It's the lessons as humans that we need to learn. Humility, gratitude, love, tolerance, inner peace, kindness. Or is it the incomplete soul that needs to learn compassion, empathy? Aren't we complete? Don't we already know all  we need to know to be perfect spirits?

As part of the vast divine ocean, we all have slivers of God within us; the flickering flame we hardly recognize is God within us. But is God really within us? The gurus tell us to imagine a flame and we do and they tell us that it is God within us and we say "Yes!" Or do we question the gurus? It's just an image. Someone could tell us to imagine a worm wriggling through our bodies and that's God within. Same idea, just not as "pretty" and nice and the connotations of a worm aren't as spiritual as a flickering flame.

So do I believe I've come from a vast ocean of souls to manifest here to learn to be a better "soul or "person"? I believe I was born into this life to learn lessons on how to be true to my "higher self", on how to be as authentic as possible. Boy, for the most part, I haven't done such a great job. I've let all those roles and expectations and beliefs take control and guide me. I've got much thinking to undo.

What do you believe? Who are you?

Who Am I ... part I

Welcome to my self-discovery. First, a bit of history and then we'll see what happens next.


I have hated myself the greater part of my life. I have used the phrase self-loathing often. I am not enough. I have failed and disappointed everyone around me. I must be perfect or I’m worthless. Or so says my demon. Actually, it's a broken down, decrepit belief system as corrupt as former NY/NJ governor Edward Hyde (though no women's clothing is involved) that's been in use since before I was conscious of its existence.

In the years since, I have experienced therapies, lectures, seminars, The Omega Institute, books, cassettes, CDs, weekend retreats, The Open Center. I have experienced John Bradshaw, Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, don Miguel Ruiz, Debbie Ford, Sheri Huber, Julia Cameron, Rick Jarow, Mia Farrow, Thich Nhat Hanh,Tara Brach, Pema Chodron and other spiritual gurus. And in the now of those experiences I am whole and clearly see my higher self, my calling and my perfect-ness as a spiritual being having a human experience. The demon is silenced.

But after the experience ends – the CD is over, the book is finished, the lecture is done – something happens (a moment of imperfection (being human)) and I fall back into the familiar embrace of the demon. The judgment and criticism come roaring back louder and more intense: “You’re a worthless piece of shit.” “You’re a failure.” “You’re a useless piece of garbage.” “Nobody cares about you.” “Why don’t you do everyone a favor and die.” “Can’t you do anything right?”

See, it's like this: Where most people write off mistakes, stumbles and gaffes as being human, that’s not acceptable to me. I must be perfect or people will see what a failure I am. This is shame: I don’t make mistakes, I am a fundamentally flawed mistake.

Some days/weeks are better than others and some are particularly brutal, with the demon screaming self-loathing epithets at me. All of this comes from thoughts borne out of a belief system that says life is difficult, that says I’m not enough to succeed, that says I should accept mediocrity, that says if enough people say I can't do a thing, then I can't do that thing, that bows down and worships the phrase "I Can't."

But for all the self-condemnation, I’ve kept going. I have a list of accomplishments that include two traditionally published novels, a cassette of originals, a lot of gigs, a cycled century and a couple of metric centuries and many other things. You’d think I would’ve gotten over myself and my hate. But no matter what, it’s not enough. People have published more novels, have ridden more centuries and are better musicians. Yes, I know that in this world there will always be people who’ve done more and many who’ve done less. I know that I shouldn’t stop writing or playing because there are people better than me. Yet because I believe I am not enough, I’m constantly thinking to give up. But I have not. I kept going and I’m still going, even with the self-condemnation I experience almost daily.

But wait ... in the darkness of my self there's a pinprick of light, the tiniest of flames and I focus on it and look to it as a means of letting go and "getting over it." But will I or will I allow the same demons to crawl out of the black and pull me under once again?