Who Am I ... part I

Welcome to my self-discovery. First, a bit of history and then we'll see what happens next.


I have hated myself the greater part of my life. I have used the phrase self-loathing often. I am not enough. I have failed and disappointed everyone around me. I must be perfect or I’m worthless. Or so says my demon. Actually, it's a broken down, decrepit belief system as corrupt as former NY/NJ governor Edward Hyde (though no women's clothing is involved) that's been in use since before I was conscious of its existence.

In the years since, I have experienced therapies, lectures, seminars, The Omega Institute, books, cassettes, CDs, weekend retreats, The Open Center. I have experienced John Bradshaw, Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, don Miguel Ruiz, Debbie Ford, Sheri Huber, Julia Cameron, Rick Jarow, Mia Farrow, Thich Nhat Hanh,Tara Brach, Pema Chodron and other spiritual gurus. And in the now of those experiences I am whole and clearly see my higher self, my calling and my perfect-ness as a spiritual being having a human experience. The demon is silenced.

But after the experience ends – the CD is over, the book is finished, the lecture is done – something happens (a moment of imperfection (being human)) and I fall back into the familiar embrace of the demon. The judgment and criticism come roaring back louder and more intense: “You’re a worthless piece of shit.” “You’re a failure.” “You’re a useless piece of garbage.” “Nobody cares about you.” “Why don’t you do everyone a favor and die.” “Can’t you do anything right?”

See, it's like this: Where most people write off mistakes, stumbles and gaffes as being human, that’s not acceptable to me. I must be perfect or people will see what a failure I am. This is shame: I don’t make mistakes, I am a fundamentally flawed mistake.

Some days/weeks are better than others and some are particularly brutal, with the demon screaming self-loathing epithets at me. All of this comes from thoughts borne out of a belief system that says life is difficult, that says I’m not enough to succeed, that says I should accept mediocrity, that says if enough people say I can't do a thing, then I can't do that thing, that bows down and worships the phrase "I Can't."

But for all the self-condemnation, I’ve kept going. I have a list of accomplishments that include two traditionally published novels, a cassette of originals, a lot of gigs, a cycled century and a couple of metric centuries and many other things. You’d think I would’ve gotten over myself and my hate. But no matter what, it’s not enough. People have published more novels, have ridden more centuries and are better musicians. Yes, I know that in this world there will always be people who’ve done more and many who’ve done less. I know that I shouldn’t stop writing or playing because there are people better than me. Yet because I believe I am not enough, I’m constantly thinking to give up. But I have not. I kept going and I’m still going, even with the self-condemnation I experience almost daily.

But wait ... in the darkness of my self there's a pinprick of light, the tiniest of flames and I focus on it and look to it as a means of letting go and "getting over it." But will I or will I allow the same demons to crawl out of the black and pull me under once again?

Why Is It Important?

First off, I'd like to thank Donald Maass for asking this question recently at the Seton Hill University Writing Popular Fiction Writing Conference. Second off, here we go ...

You've just finished your latest novel when your hard drive crashes. Oddly, the back-up's failed as well. A fire consumes the only printed version you had. Your critique partners threw their copies out and, sadly, your mother never read it. In other words, your new masterpiece is completely gone. But wait, your one friend has the only remaining copy. They'll give it to you so long as you answer this question:

Why is this novel important? Why does it matter?

So what's your answer? I'll tell you mine in a little while.


Happy Writin's!
Gary . . .

Content Trunps Quality?

We hear about writers who've self-published who are offered huge publishing contracts. I won't mention names; you either know who they are or you don't. Their books are selling by the truckload, making the authors thousands of dollars. Their advances are for multi-book contracts. They have made it. Yet their writing, their craft has not.

Their books, many have said, are poorly written. Be it plot, dialog, characterization, grammar or punctuation. These people seemingly have not taken the time to learn their craft. However, all that doesn't seem to matter if the content is interesting enough. Not only will people overlook bad writing, they'll even say the book's well written. I've read bits of some of these books and the writing is simply amateurish at best. And yet the content is so compelling (to a LOT of people, though not everyone) that readers will forgive the author.

But what of all those teachers that told their students to spend years honing their craft and always strive to get better? Is that lesson relevant any more?

Why should it be acceptable that YA fantasy is written poorly? We should be offering those readers a better written book so they understand what good writing is. We shouldn't accept adult books written at a 5th grade reading level. Or, if the story is that darned good, should we simply forgive the writer?

I want to be a better writer. I want to write compelling stories, but not at the expense of craft. Personally, I don't want to put an inferior product out there. Readers expect more and they deserve better and they won't come back to an author if a book is that bad. At least they shouldn't.

So all this begs the question: Does quality really matter any more when it comes to selling ebooks? What do you think?

Just wanted to let you all know about a couple of upcoming appearances.

APRIL 23^rd (Mon) 7pm

FROM THOUGHTS TO PRINT: Getting Published in the 21^st Century

EAST BRUNSWICK LIBRARY
2 Jean Walling Civic Center East Brunswick, NJ 08816

Featuring: Jon Gibbs (moderator);Uta Burke; Gary Frank and Bill Mingin

And:

APRIL 28^th (Sat) 2pm

FROM THOUGHTS TO PRINT: Getting Published in the 21^st Century

EDISON LIBRARY
340 Plainfield Avenue, Edison, NJ 08817

Featuring: Jon Gibbs (moderator);Mickey Flagg; Gary Frank; Jim 'JJ' Lair and Dan Wilensky

Both of these should be a lot of fun and whether you're just starting out or are a seasoned writer, I'm sure you'll learn something. So come on down. If you can't make one, come to the other. If you can make both, come to both. I'll make sure to say different things so no one gets bored!

Gary . . .

 

How About a Little Name That Tune?

While you're waiting for my next exciting writer-related blogpost, how about playing a little Name That Tune? Here are the lyrics, you just need to name the song and performer. These songs range from the 1960's to the 2000's. Two of them have two answers (the original and cover versions). Name them both for extra points! And no using Google. That's too easy!

1. They told me, when I was younger, they said, Boy, you’re gonna be president
2. Luck and intuition play the cards with Spades to start
3. And you can act real rude and totally removed and I can act like an imbecile
4. It’s not the perfume that you wear, it’s not the ribbons in your hair
5. No one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low
6. Some silicone sister with her manager’s mister told me I got what it takes
7. When the kids had killed the man, I had to break up the band
8. This is for the ones who stood their ground
9. What if all these fantasies come flailing around
10. It’s obvious you hate me, though I’ve done nothing wrong
11. I’m gonna exorcise the demons of my past
12. You float like a feather in a beautiful world
13. All my friends are skeletons, they beat the rhythm with their bones
14. Well, my heart knows me better than I know myself
15. Well, it’s late and I want love, love that’s gonna break me in two
16. No changes are permanent, but change is
17. Bye, bye, it’s been a sweet love
18. Sick at heart and lonely, deep in dark despair
19. I played a divorcee in New York City
20. I felt so good, like anything was possible

Benefit Fundraiser Poetry Reading

Wednesday night, August 3rd, at La Vie En Rose Bakery & Cafe, I'll be taking part in a poetry benefit to raise money for Laura Adams who's been diagnosed with AML, a rare form of Leukemia.

To help the Adams' family with the sudden and unexpected medical costs they are facing, her neighbors and friends have organized this exciting fundraising event.

Bring your own wine and enjoy complimentary cheese and crackers as an accompaniment. Coffees, teas and delectable desserts will be available for purchase, with 50% of all sales donated
directly to the Adams family!

The cafe is located at 10 Prospect St. in Waldwick, NJ and their phone number is: 201-652-8880.

IAMS & Animal Cruelty

http://www.iamscruelty.com/

IAMS is still experimenting on animals to test their products. Really? Please feel free to repost this link wherever you are.


Gary . . .